When I was working and then pregnant, all the cleaning would be done in the morning so I could enjoy the rest of the day. By 11 am at least I would have been ready to go out, hair and make up done. Now things are different. I have to accept that some days the hoovering will have to wait for the baby to be in bed, or the dishes will be done by Simon because Lilly is learning a new skill and needs quality time at home if we are to go out in the afternoon. It is not that I do not do things anymore, it is just that I have to be flexible about the time when they do get done. It does sound easy but when you are in the middle of a living room that never seems tidy, knowing that you will come around to tidying it before you go to bed (so that it is tidied at night but will be messy again by around 8 am the next day) is not always much comfort. It can take its toll on the mind. It makes me look back sometimes at my mum who was stressed and tired and at me who as a child would not understand why she just couldn't sit down and watch that Disney movie for the 27th time in a row with me and I now feel very thankful for what she did, which was her best. As a mum, the best you can do is what matters, as long as you take the time to make your child feel loved and you still feel like yourself, the little you do makes the difference. It is hard but knowing you have accomplished a little will make anyone feel better than doing nothing at all.
Another thing you need to learn to be flexible about as a mum is the way your child is, the way you interact with him or her, and his or her needs. The best for a baby is usually a routine, I know a lot of people who say you should just drop everything and feed the baby whenever she wants it for how little or too much she wants and sleep when she sleeps etc. (Which to me looked like you should live as a human food distributor and not exist as a person anymore). I did notice that any parent who adopts that way of living just craves for "THE DAY" the baby will finally sleep through the night (i.e. the day she will have a routine). I think that if you do have the strength to do it this way and that is what you want then it is perfect for you. However if you are exhausted, you should not feel guilty about trying to put the baby into a routine, to wake her up for a week during the day to make sure she feeds all she can during daytime so she starts making a difference between night and day and slowly moves most of her sleep time at night. I personally used the Gina Ford method ( here is a link to her website: http://www.contentedbaby.com/ )which had been recommended to me and it did work wonders. It is hard but it made my life easier in the long run and gave me the sense that I still was in charge of my life and could have time to do things that I needed to see done. Another advantage I noted of teaching your baby to sleep at night is that if you are like me someone who does not naturally nap but stays awake during daytime, you do get a chance to get some proper rest which is essential just as much as eating in order to make milk for your baby (or to have the patience to take care of her/him without potentially snapping out of tiredness). If you are breastfeeding and are not getting enough sleep your baby is not getting enough milk and therefore will need to feed more often which means wake you up more and more at night and you can see how it turns into a vicious circle. There are reasons why in the old days nursing a baby was either a professional job or a group activity, because people were aware that rest was needed in order to feed a baby properly. Nowadays we do know that these old ways of doing things can potentially be health hazardous but it does not mean mothers should not use ways such as routines or expressing milk so a partner or friend can feed the baby. A mother should not feel guilty if she needs rest and need to ask support.
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