Flexibility and Routines

One thing that being a mum taught me is being flexible. Not that I am a really bad control freak to start with but I am a happier person when my house is tidy, laundry is done, dishes are washed etc. I also like being able to down a book in one day or watch a whole movie on TV or at the cinema. Now, I am not saying that since I have a daughter my house is a mess, the laundry piled up to the point we buy new clothes because we ran out and order take away because there is no clean dishes, I am just saying that I have learnt to adapt my routine in order to get these things done.
When I was working and then pregnant, all the cleaning would be done in the morning so I could enjoy the rest of the day. By 11 am at least I would have been ready to go out, hair and make up done. Now things are different. I have to accept that some days the hoovering will have to wait for the baby to be in bed, or the dishes will be done by Simon because Lilly is learning a new skill and needs quality time at home if we are to go out in the afternoon. It is not that I do not do things anymore, it is just that I have to be flexible about the time when they do get done. It does sound easy but when you are in the middle of a living room that never seems tidy, knowing that you will come around to tidying it before you go to bed (so that it is tidied at night but will be messy again by around 8 am the next day) is not always much comfort. It can take its toll on the mind. It makes me look back sometimes at my mum who was stressed and tired and at me who as a child would not understand why she just couldn't sit down and watch that Disney movie for the 27th time in a row with me and I now feel very thankful for what she did, which was her best. As a mum, the best you can do is what matters, as long as you take the time to make your child feel loved and you still feel like yourself, the little you do makes the difference. It is hard but knowing you have accomplished a little will make anyone feel better than doing nothing at all.
Another thing you need to learn to be flexible about as a mum is the way your child is, the way you interact with him or her, and his or her needs. The best for a baby is usually a routine, I know a lot of people who say you should just drop everything and feed the baby whenever she wants it for how little or too much she wants and sleep when she sleeps etc. (Which to me looked like you should live as a human food distributor and  not exist as a person anymore). I did notice that any parent who adopts that way of living just craves for "THE DAY" the baby will finally sleep through the night (i.e. the day she will have a routine). I think that if you do have the strength to do it this way and that is what you want then it is perfect for you. However if you are exhausted, you should not feel guilty about trying to put the baby into a routine, to wake her up for a week during the day to make sure she feeds all she can during daytime so she starts making a difference between night and day and slowly moves most of her sleep time at night. I personally used the Gina Ford method ( here is a link to her website: http://www.contentedbaby.com/ )which had been recommended to me and it did work wonders. It is hard but it made my life easier in the long run and gave me the sense that I still was in charge of my life and could have time to do things that I needed to see done. Another advantage I noted of teaching your baby to sleep at night is that if you are like me someone who does not naturally nap but stays awake during daytime, you do get a chance to get some proper rest which is essential just as much as eating in order to make milk for your baby (or to have the patience to take care of her/him without potentially snapping out of tiredness). If you are breastfeeding and are not getting enough sleep your baby is not getting enough milk and therefore will need to feed more often which means wake you up more and more at night and you can see how it turns into a vicious circle. There are reasons why in the old days nursing a baby was either a professional job or a group activity, because people were aware that rest was needed in order to feed a baby properly. Nowadays we do know that these old ways of doing things can potentially be health hazardous but it does not mean mothers should not use ways such as routines or expressing milk so a partner or friend can feed the baby. A mother should not feel guilty if she needs rest and need to ask support.

Lastly I am going to put a word about sacrificing something for a greater good. I used to think that I would never leave my child sitting alone watching a film because that made me feel sad to think of that. However my daughter has started a week ago to want to just sit in the morning after breakfast to watch a certain Disney movie. Everyday she wants that one, she doesn't speak yet but shows discontent if I put something else on. Anyway, I discovered that it gave me time to shower, blow dry my hair and clean up the breakfast and hoover without her missing me. And if she does I can always just sit beside her for a bit and in the end both of us are happy!

Communication is a key...

To start with, I'd like to say that without my husband, motherhood would have been harder an experience than it is. I feel that one thing that you are not prepared for when expecting a baby is how much harder everything gets once you are pregnant and there is the nagging feeling that once the baby is there, life will never be what it used to be again and it is the end of staying up late together, going on dates, wearing nice clothes, make up, showers of more than 2 minutes, home tidied, dishes washed, etc. Pregnancy takes a toll on a woman's body, it makes you tired, makes you feel like you can't go anywhere if you do not know where the next lavatories are, it turns you into a hormones bomb and you do not feel like yourself anymore. Your husband seems like a foreign person by moments and when you try to talk about your feelings you will either start crying or laughing and end up upset at him. And he will have no clue what this was all about.
Something very hard about pregnancy is remembering that your partner is in love with you (if he weren't he would have ran away the minute you told him about your future arrival), and since he is not in your body, is not a woman and never will be, well, he probably has a very hard time understanding what you are going through. You need to talk to him about it, and you should not feel guilty, he needs to know you still love him and what he can do to help you. Talking with my husband I found out how worried he was for me that I looked so tired, that he was scared he might lose me and that he wanted to help me all he could through this.  
I did feel guilty about how little I seemed to accomplish with my heavy body, I also had to tell him that I could not stand him eating onions or having chicken tikka or southwest sauce on his sandwiches anymore and that something about him was different. It turns out that with the pregnancy hormones, the way he smells was different to me. I am not saying there that my husband smells, but every human being as a body smell that is exceedingly discreet but unique, that is how for instance your baby will know who you are instantly when coming out of the womb. During pregnancy, your hormones change the way everything smells and tastes and it is normal that you feel like there is something different about your husband, and you'll see that the minute the baby is there your husband will feel just the same as he was before you were pregnant.

Lilly loves spending time with Simon. And he is crazy for her, so it is a relief for me
when he comes home in the evening or when he is off to know that if I need time to myself I have
someone I trust who is willing to take care of Lilly.

Anyhow, the point of this is communication is VERY important...and you need to work on it during pregnancy if you want any of it when the baby arrives, and you will need your husband or partner when the baby is there. The odds are that the resident of the other side of the bed will be much more responsive to helping you with the little angel in the middle of the night if he has had a vocal reminder of how much you loved him and were grateful for his presence during the past 9 months. I would never have expected anyone to read my mind before I was pregnant, yet I did notice that it was pretty easy for me to start resenting Simon for ridiculous things such as the bins not being emptied or a sock fallen out of the laundry hamper while if I took a second to think rationally before getting upset and saying something hurtful I would realize that he would not mind a bit taking the bin bags outside and that I could pick up the sock. Tiredness makes everything seem worse, it is not your fault if you experience it, it is the price that comes with motherhood, so take the time to think things through and to ask someone to help you, don't isolate yourself, communicate your needs :)

Let's start at the beginning...

When I was pregnant, I was very lucky to have people around me ready to help and give me suggestions. One friend in particular was very helpful, she told me a lot about what had happened to her during pregnancy, what she found helpful or not and she helped me to prepare to the life with a newborn. Looking back I appreciate even more the help this friend gave, without her I would have been even more clueless and lost. Now my daughter is 6 almost 7 months old and I decided that I could share what I found helpful or not during pregnancy, but mostly for motherhood. I think that no one can prepare anyone for the life changing experiences that are pregnancy and motherhood, but sharing experiences can still be helpful. So, this is what this blog is going to be about... sharing my experiences as a mother. I will talk about all the joy that being a mum brings me, all the difficulties that I would never have thought of that come along, the challenges of everyday life etc. I am going to write about things such as helping a colicky baby, playing with her when I don't have the strength to brush my hair, but also little tips about how to feel like a whole person again and appreciate the new person you have become.

I am not a professional, I am not a doctor, I am a mum and everything provided here is what I have observed so far as a new mum, it might help someone a bit hopefully but if you disagree with anything I say it's fine, motherhood is not about copying someone else, there is not one right way, there are as many different ways to be a mum as there are children, their little personalities make the experience change every time. So the best I can say is that you should always do what feels right, follow your guts and never be afraid to ask help from anyone you trust. But above all, enjoy the ride, every day is unique and those special times will not come back so cherish them!